5W1H boo!

Jokes

  • Quite a Handful

    in

    Natalie had three very active young sons and they were quite a handful. One summer evening she was playing cowboys and Indians with them in her front garden when one of the boys “shot” her and shouted “Bang! You’re dead, Mum,” so Natalie fell down. Her next door neighbour had been watching all this and…

  • Dating Blonde

    in

    How can you tell if a blonde woman has been dating? By the belt buckle imprint on her forehead.

  • Son and Father

    in

    A son and a father are walking together in a sunday morning, chatting. They enter a park and pass by a big, fat man, on a bench, drooling in his sleep (with his mouth open) and a bag of potato chips on his lap. As they pass by him the son snickers, while the father…

  • If Only Men Would Listen

    in

    A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG!!” The man immediately leans out his window and replies, “BITCH!!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next…

  • Comebacks

    in

    So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Pardon me, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in? I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? If ignorance is bliss, you must…

  • Make Sure To…

    in

    1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 6. Remember to never split an infinitive. 7. Contractions aren’t necessary. 8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 9. One should…

  • Parent Meeting

    in

    A blonde, brunette, and a redhead all get together once a week to talk about the problems they are having with their daughters, and get input from the other two moms. So, the brunette decided to open the meeting. “I found a pack of cigarettes on my daughter’s nightstand the other night. What am I…

  • 1990 vs. 1989

    in

    Q. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills? A. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.

  • Genital Auction

    in

    Wife : “I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars.” Husband : “How about the ones like mine?” Wife : “Those they gave away.” Husband : “I had a dream too . . . I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts.…

  • Blond Dad

    in

    A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth, and in the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy…

  • Alligator

    in

    Alligator One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma’s kitchen. “Well now, where’s my bucket and where’s my water?”…

  • The Farmer And His Pigs

    in

    A farmer was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant. He called a vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs. The vet told him he should try artificial insemination. The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered okay and hung up the phone. Unclear on what the vet…