5W1H boo!

Jokes

  • “Home Alone”

    in

    St. Paul, MN The hit movie “Home Alone” about a boy thwarting burglars with imaginative mayhem, wasn’t total fantasy. Just ask the guy who tried to break in while 13-year-old Ryan Hendrickson was home alone. Ryan was watching television Wednesday night when he heard a noise that sounded like a window screen being cut. “I…

  • 40th anniversary

    in

    A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife -Cold As Ever.’” “Yeah?!” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband -Stiff At…

  • How It Works

    in

    How It Works Once upon a time a man told a small village, “I will buy monkeys for $10 each.” Since there were many monkeys in the forest, the villagers caught them and sold them to the man. As the supply of monkeys diminished, the villagers’ efforts slowed, so the man offered them $20 each.…

  • Bed, Bath, and Beyond

    in

    I work at Bed, Bath and Beyond in the ‘Beyond’ dept.

  • Stoplight!

    in

    A kindergarten teacher was giving her students a homework assignment. She said, “Students, I know you can do this. If you are going anywhere tonight, then watch how your parents drive in relation to the stoplight. This means, watch how they drive and what they say when the stoplight turns green, when it turns red,…

  • Quotes From Famous Mothers II

    in

    PAUL REVERE’S MOTHER: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!” MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY’S MOTHER: “I don’t mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?” MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent…

  • Spiky

    in

    A teenage boy with spiked hair, a nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, “I don’t really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them.”

  • An Amazing Connection with God

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    A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor’s for a physical. The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, ”Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?” And the man says, ”Oh me and God? We’re tight. We have a real bond, he’s…

  • 99 Blonds and 1 Brunette

    in

    There are 99 Blonds on a plane and 1 Brunette. The captain radios in that they are going down, So they drop all the luggage. They were still going down so they drop out all the chairs. They were still going down so they dropped the floor. So they are hanging by their hands from…

  • The Young Mother

    in

    An eight year old girl tried checking a book out of the library, entitled ‘Advice for Young Mothers’. The librarian, being a typically nosey and puritanical librarian, asked, “Why do you want to check out this particular book, dear?” The little girl replied, “Because I collect moths.”

  • Bin Laden

    in

    Bin Laden is sitting with his son and they are watching the Twin Towers collapse. His son asks him, “Dad, which film is this?” to which he replied, “Son, this isn’t a film, this is a series.”

  • Certification….

    in

    How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but it takes a certified electrician to make it work.