5W1H boo!

Jokes

  • At Least I Survived

    in

    Ok…so when I was little my parents would fight all the time. Is there any married couple in the world that doesn’t do this? Anyways, my mom hated paper towels. She just did. Especially the half-sized ones. Apparently there was no point in wasting a paper towel when you could use a dish towel. Quite…

  • The Violin

    in

    The gangster’s last words – “Who put that violin in my violin case?”

  • You Know You Just Bought a Budget Plane Ticket When…

    in

    1. They don’t sell tickets, they sell chances. 2. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out. 3. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot. 4. If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back. 5. You cannot board the plane unless you have the…

  • Library Destroyed By Flood

    in

    GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD Crawford, Texas (AP) A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished…

  • Stupid Inventions!

    in

    An ejector seat on a helicopter. A fly screen on a submarine. An ashtray for a motorcycle. A lead balloon. A bikini for Eskimos. Sugar-cube fishing bait. A glass baseball bat..

  • Match

    in

    A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, ”What for? Are you going to set it on fire?”

  • Horse Race

    in

    A 55-year-old man who was born on May 5, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, who’s lucky number is 5 receives a phone call from a friend. The friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track…

  • Two Bags

    in

    Humphrey comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Humphrey. The guard says, “Well, we’ll see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them…

  • The Perils of Growing Older

    in

    One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.” So they…

  • This One is Dumb

    in

    Yo momma is so fat she needs to lose weight.

  • Tube Top

    in

    You might be a redneck if you wear a tube top to a funeral!

  • Chuck Norris Facts: 6

    in

    Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. When Chuck Norris talks, everyjoke listens. And dies. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. Wilt…