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Jokes

  • Air Conditioning

    in

    “It’s chilly in here,” the wealthy customer sniffed. “Will you please turn down the air conditioner?” “No problem sir,” said the waiter. After a few minutes, the man flagged the server again. “Now I’m too warm.” “All right,” said the waiter. But soon the customer was chilly again. Finally a patron at a nearby table…

  • Lesbo

    in

    Q: what do you call two lesbians floating down a river A: Fur Traders Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons. Q: Whats the difference between a lesbian driving in the fog and eating pussy? A: When u are eating pussy…

  • Moshe Reads an Arab Newspaper

    in

    A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. “Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab…

  • New Invention

    in

    Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in. After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of…

  • Counting Cards

    in

    Teacher: Jimmy! Count from one all the way to ten! Jimmy: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. Teacher: Good, now what comes after that? Jimmy:Jack, queen and king!

  • Cat, Rat, and (Dog)

    in

    Two mice were waiting for the right time to get out of their mouse hole, because a cat was meowing on the other side. After a few minutes, the meowing stopped and was replaced by the “woof, woof!” of a dog. Thinking it was okay to come out, the mice crawled out of their hole…

  • Student Errers (Sic) III

    in

    Here is a collection of freshman history bloopers collected by a Canadian history professor (Anders Henrickson) over the years. During the Middle Ages, everyjoke was middle aged. Church and state were cooperatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords and surfs. It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid…

  • Worm Overload Recreational Killer

    in

    There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact…

  • You Know You are a Teacher If…

    in

    You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick. You find humor in other people’s stupidity. You want to slap the next person who says “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free.” You believe chocolate is a food group. You can tell if it’s a full…

  • Baby Brother

    in

    Baby Brother Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?” His mother says, “Heaven, Johnny.” Johnny says, “Geez, I can see why they threw him out.”

  • Duck Hunting

    in

    Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one has ever been before, but they decide to go anyway. They take a couple of guns and a hunting dog and head out into the woods. A few hours later, they still haven’t caught anything. “I don’t get it,” says the first blonde. “Why haven’t we…

  • Beckham Joke

    in

    Beckham went into training one day and saw Owen with a thermo-flask. He asked him what it was for and Owen said “It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold”. The next day Beckham came into training with a thrmo-flask. So Owen asked him what he had in it. He said “well you said…