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Jokes

  • The Haunted Closet

    in

    Once there was a girl named Maria having her 13th birthday. She had three of her closest friends over. Their names were Jessica, Sarah and Amy. Amy told Maria that she heard weird sounds coming from the closet and she thought there was a ghost in it, but Maria didn’t believe her. Next, Sarah told…

  • A Few Good Questions I’ve Heard

    in

    Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”? Why is “abbreviated” such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”? Why is it that to stop Windows 98,…

  • Heaven

    in

    There once was a man who died and went to heaven. There he saw a hot babe and a ladder. The babe said “you can have sex with me or climb the ladder to success.” The man climbed the ladder. There he saw an even hotter babe who said the same thing. He climbed the…

  • Once Upon A Time…

    in

    Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This,…

  • Going To The Lake

    in

    One afternoon, Tommy is driving down a highway to spend some time at a lake and relax. On his way to the lake, he spots a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway, gesturing for him to stop. He rolls down his window and asks, “How can…

  • Viagra Study

    in

    In a recent FDA study, the United States government doctors who were conducting studies on test drugs administered weekly doses of VIAGRA to an equal number of doctors and lawyers. While the majority of the doctors achieved enhanced sexual prowess, the lawyers simply grew taller. The researchers are at a loss to explain the phenomenon.

  • The Hairdryer

    in

    A young woman, flying home after Christmas, asked the priest sitting beside her if he would help her. “I will assist you if I can; what seems to be the problem?” he asked. The young woman said, “I have a very expensive, top of the range hairdryer which my mother gave me for Christmas; it…

  • Cheerleaders

    in

    Why do the Arkansas cheerleaders wear bibs? To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

  • Yo Mama Has

    in

    Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle. Yo mama has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses. Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it. Yo mama has one hand and a Clapper. Yo mama has green hair and thinks she’s a tree. Yo mama has one ear and…

  • Rules of the South

    in

    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can’t be fried in bacon grease, it ain’t worth cooking, let alone eating. 2. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can’t stay home the two days of the year it snows. 3. If you do run your car into…

  • Verizon Hired-less

    in

    Yo Momma’s like a cell phone: Free on nights and weekends!

  • Dust to Dust

    in

    A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. “Mommy, is it true that before you’re born you’re just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?” “That’s right son, why?” “Well that’s just what they said at church today.” “Run up stairs and wash your…