Jokes
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Three Doctor Stories
in Jokes1. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.” Submitted by Dr.…
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A Cats Diary
in JokesDay 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape — that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their…
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Pampered Pigs
in JokesThere was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would…
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An Hour Fast
in JokesA man walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde. “I just got this amazing watch,” he tells her, “it can reads alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking.” “What does it say about me?” asked the blonde. “It says you want to sleep with me,” said…
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Yo Momma So Nasty
in JokesYo momma so nasty I was on the phone with her, and she gave me an ear infection.
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Dumb Criminal
in JokesWhen his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked…..
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Grammar
in JokesEach simile listed below was actually used by high school students in their various essays and short stories: He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes…
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Caught for Speeding
in JokesThe cop got out of his and walked up to the kid who was stopped for speeding. He rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said. The guy replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid…
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Mom!!
in JokesPAUL REVERE’S MOTHER: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!” MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money you father and I spent on braces, Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?’” HUMPTY DUMPTY’S MOTHER: “Humpty, If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you…
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Jenny’s Wren
in JokesJenny walks into a pet shop and says to Bobby, the owner, “I want to buy a canary.” “We have many types,” says Bobby, “is there any particular one you’re after?” “Yes,” replies Jenny, “its got to be a very good singer. I’m prepared to pay good money for a great singing bird.” “Lady, I’ve…
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Online Status
in JokesA girl was calling her boyfriend because he wasn’t online and she wanted him to be. “Hello?” he said, groggily. “I want you to get up and get your ass online.” she said. “How?” “I don’t know. Get a scanner if you need to. Just get your ass online!”