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Jokes

  • Space Exploration at Its Best!

    in

    In the future, man is exploring the universe. Due to the excessive cost, they can only send out small teams of explorers to search and investigate the millions of planets they come across. One such team lands on a barren planet that seems to be just one big rock. As they investigate, their sensors pick…

  • Brainstorm

    in

    The closest you’ve ever come to a brainstorm is a light drizzle!

  • Bifocals

    in

    Bill is waiting to tee off for the start of his round when he sees Ralph just finishing his round. Bill notices that Ralph is wet all over the front of his trousers. Curiosity gets the best of him, so Bill asks Ralph how he got so wet. Ralph tells the following story: That day,…

  • Horses

    in

    Why is it that there are so many more horses’ asses than there are horses? – G. Gordon Liddy

  • Lowery’s Law of Home Repair:

    in

    If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

  • When Aliens Attack!

    in

    A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, “I’m a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We’re here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?” The owner replies, “I don’t have…

  • Favorite Professor oneliners

    in

    1. All of you, stand in a straight circle. 2. I have two daughters, and both are girls! 3. Both the three of you get out of the class. 4. I saw you with my wife…..in the theatre. 5. Open the windows let the Airforce come in. 6. Boys go to the right, girls to…

  • Student Errors (Sic) II

    in

    Here is a collection of freshman history bloopers collected by a Canadian history professor (Anders Henrickson) over the years. After the refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal. If the Spanish could gain the Netherlands they would have a stronghold throughout northern Europe which would include their posetions in Italy, Burgundy, central Europe and India…

  • Iron this!

    in

    As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?” A man stands…

  • WordPerfect Assistant

    in

    This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for “Termination without Cause.” Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller: “Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?” “Yes, well, I’m having…

  • Cop With a Collar

    in

    A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months. He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an…

  • Epitaph

    in

    A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, “Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man.” “Well, how about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”