Jokes
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Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!
in JokesLittle Johnny was eating breakfast one morning. He got to thinking about things, and asked, “Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?” “He thinks a lot, dear,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband’s baldness. “Then why do you have so…
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Blueberry Hill
in JokesClass was starting, and the teacher was taking attendance. She noticed that two of her top students were missing. Right after that, Billy came in. She asks him, “Why are you late?” He replies, “I was just on top of Blueberry Hill.” The teacher tells him to sit. A few minutes later Timmy comes in.…
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Babies!
in JokesWhen the second grader arrived home from school, she excitedly ran up to her mom and said, “Guess what we learned today, mommy? How to make babies.” Her mother was more than surprised, but did her best to remain calm. She knew that this day would come, but she had hoped it wouldn’t have been…
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The Morning After Their Honeymoon…
in JokesThe morning after their honeymoon night, the wife says to her husband, “You know, you’re really a lousy lover!” The husband replies, “How would you know after only 30 seconds?”
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100 Years Old
in JokesA man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied. “I’ve never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around with women?” inquired the doctor. “No, I’ve never done any of those things either.” “Well,…
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Chuck Norris Facts: 17
in JokesChuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion. Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards. Chuck Norris once shat blood – the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten. Maslow’s theory of higher needs…
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Academics?
in Jokes“He’s great on the court,” a sportwriter spoke of a college basketball player in a interview with his coach. “But how’s his academics?” “Why, he makes straight A’s,” replied the coach. “Wonderful!” said the sportwriter. “Yes,” agreed the coach, “but his B’s are a just little crooked.”
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Why Did the Squirrel Cross the Road
in JokesWhy did the squirrel cross the road? Because it was NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Recent Quips From Late Night
in Jokes“We’re still on the road to World War III. Things were looking a little grim last week — all those countries pressuring us to call for an immediate cease-fire, but we stayed strong. Sure, we sent over Condi Rice to negotiate, but she’s not there for cease-fire. No, she’s there for ‘sustainable cease-fire,’ which considering…
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Fighting Fire With Fire
in Jokes(A father is letting five kids make a complete mess of the restaurant. They’re ripping napkins and using it as confetti, breaking chopsticks and screaming their little heads off.) Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to tell them to stop doing that. They are disturbing the other customers.” Father: *beaming* “No.” Me:…
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Funnel and Coin
in JokesTRUE STORY My first job was working in an office at my cubicle. Unfortunately, they put me on the floor with a bunch of pranksters. While I was doing my work, I saw one a co-worker with a funnel down his pants, trying to catch a coin with it, for fun. He would throw the…