Jokes
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The Cat In The Hat On Aging
in JokesI cannot see, I cannot pee; I cannot chew, I cannot screw; Oh, my God, what can I do? My memory shrinks, My hearing stinks, No sense of smell – I look like hell My mood is bad – can you tell? My joke’s drooping, Have trouble pooping; The Golden Years have come at last…
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82 Kg – With Glasses
in JokesIn the hospital, a nurse is asking an old man what is his weight. The man is unsure about his weight so the nurse suggests that it is better if he check his weight now. He goes to the weighing scale and stands on it, then he goes back to the nurse. The nurse let…
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THE DARN CAT
in JokesThere was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks. He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk. The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn’t notice…
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Quotes Over The Years II
in JokesAge 27 – I’ve learned that I should never praise my mother’s cooking when I’m eating something fixed by my wife. Age 30 – I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 31 – I’ve learned that nothing really bad happens when you tear those little “do not…
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Blonde on the Road
in JokesA blonde is on the road when suddenly she gets a phonecall from her friend: “Watch out! I heard on the radio that some lunatic is going against traffic!” So the blonde says, “Only one? They all are!”
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Arithmetic Test
in Jokes1960’s arithmetic test: A logger cuts and sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four fifths of that amount. What is his profit? 1970’s new-math test: A logger exchanges a set (L) of lumber for a set (M) of money. The cardinality of set M is 100. The set C…
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Spooked Cab Driver
in JokesA man was riding in a cab one day when he decided to tap the cab driver on the shoulder to request an alternate route. The cab driver screams his head off and loses control of the cab, causing it to slam into a lightpost. After checking themselves out the man says, “I’m sorry. I…