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Jokes

  • Moon Hair

    in

    How does the barber cut the moon’s hair? E-clipse it

  • Hit and Run

    in

    A man has returned to his car after coming out of a local shopping centre and notices that his rear bumper is completely bashed in and the back half of his car is severely crushed. He goes to the front to see if there’s any damage there and finds a note on the windshield. Relieved…

  • Porcupine and Sheep

    in

    Did you hear about the scientists who crossed a porcupine with a sheep? They got an animal that knits its own sweaters.

  • Cat

    in

    Can you decipher this phrase? cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat Copy cat!

  • Henry Ford

    in

    It was a sweltering August day when the Greenberg brothers entered the posh Dearborn, Michigan offices of the notoriously anti-Semitic car-maker, Henry Ford. “Mr. Ford,” announced Hyman Greenberg, the eldest of the three, “we have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry.” Ford looked skeptical, but their threats to offer it to the…

  • Pink or Salmon?

    in

    This guy at work argued with everyjoke that his pink oxford shirt was actually “salmon.” Finally, human resources brought in a grizzly bear to settle the dispute.

  • Food Fight!

    in

    What do you call the planters guy beating up fruit spread? Peanut battering jelly.

  • Graves

    in

    One day, a grieving relative came to a grave yard to talk to the grave digger. The woman said to him “I am very poor, and I don’t know how I can pay for my husband to be buried!” The grave digger replied “No problem, I have ways for you to save money while having…

  • Strike Bowling

    in

    Lisa was playing bowling with her friend Marie. Lisa got a strike, then one more strike. Then, she got another strike. She had just gotten 3 strikes in a row! “I just got 3 strikes in a row!” said Lisa. Marie said, “You’re out, you just got 3 strikes in a row!”

  • Books Never Written

    in

    Here are some books that should never be written: Workaholism, by Anita Dayoff Never Say Goodbye, by C.U. Latta Crowd Control, by General Panic Amazing Facts, by G. Willikers The Last Supper, by M.T. Potts Fast Food, by Eaton Run The Bee Hive, by I. Ben Stung Turn Off The Light, by Les Watts Cattle…

  • Yo Momma So Fat

    in

    Yo momma so fat, she cut herself and bled gravy!

  • Hoya!

    in

    It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. “I promise better…