Jokes
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What to Name your Dog?
in JokesA girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend asked, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” “HellOOOooo,” answered the blonde. “They’re watch dogs.”
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Weird Facts
in JokesA “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.
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Old Age Secret
in JokesGrandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everyjoke complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.” The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep…
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Wizard Of Oz (the Truth From Dorothy)
in JokesAuntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
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Washing Hands
in JokesSaddam and an American were in the bathroom peeing in the urinals. When the American was done, he was going to leave without washing his hands. Saddam said, “You know, I learned to wash my hands.” The American replied, “Well, I learned not to pee on my hands.”
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Corny …but Cute!
in JokesWhat do you call a dinosaur that is able to give you a synonym for any word you give him? Answer: A Thesaurus! 🙂
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19 Ways, Your Momma is So Fat
in Jokes1#Yo momma’s so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, “Hey, Kool-Aid!” 2#Yo momma’s so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out. 3#Yo momma’s so fat, even God couldn’t lift her spirits! 4#Yo momma’s so fat, she has her own zip code! 5#Yo momma’s so fat,…
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A Million Dollars
in JokesAn elementary school teacher asked her students to write a truthful report on what they would do if they had a million dollars. There was only one student who recieved an A, and the rest failed for lying. This was the paper with the A: Johnny …
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Difference of “sucks”
in JokesAn Army grunt stands in the rain with a 15 kg. pack on his back, 5 kg. weapon in hand, after having marched 15 km, and says, “This sucks.” An Army Airborne Ranger stands waist deep in the rain with a 25 kg. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from an…
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Where’s the P?
in JokesWilfred had just learned his abc’s and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began. “ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ.” “Very good, Wilfred.…