Jokes

  • The Maine Man

    Some friends were on vacation in Maine, and while watching fireworks heard their small son say, “Oh, God!” The father quickly cautioned his son, “Please don’t speak the Lord’s name in vain.” The boy nodded but obviously mis-heard, because he asked quietly, “Is it OK if I speak his name back in Minnesota?”

  • The Track

    Your momma so ugly when she went to the horse track people started placing bets on her.

  • Books You Might Not Find

    1) The Code of Ethics for Lawyers. 2) Americans’ Guide to Etiquette. 3) The World Guide to Good American Beer. 4) Safe Places to Travel in the USA. 5) Bill Clinton: A Portrait of Integrity. 6) The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Quayle. 7) Consumer Marketing Ethics. 8) Career Opportunities for History Majors. 9) Great…

  • Fart Names ( Verbs )

    Verbs Anal Salute backfire bake breeze biscuits bake brownies bark bend a valve Beep your horn Blast the chair blow dirt blow dust blow a fart blow a gasket blow kisses blow mud blow smoke Blow the big brown horn blow the sparkplugs blurt boff Bottom blast Bottom burp boom-boom break the seam break wind…

  • Walk This Way

    A heavy-set woman goes into a drug store and asks for talcum powder. The bowlegged clerk says, “Walk this way,” and the woman answers, “If I could walk that way I would not need talcum powder!”

  • The Brains

    A man has just been in a car accident and has severe brain damage. So his sister is called in to take care of his medical decisions. First off, the doctor decides the man needs a new brain since his is so badly damaged. So they need to go find a brain for the transplant.…

  • Lorena Bobbitt’s Sister

    Lorena Bobbitt’s sister Louella was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and…

  • Pigs

    A class is on a field trip to the zoo. They are in the farm animal’s section, and all of the sudden the entire class looks to their right and see 2 pigs going at it like it was the last day on Earth. Boy: o.o umm… teacher, what are those pigs doing? Teacher: O.O…

  • 19 Directions

    In the words of Albert Einstien “There are two things infinite; the universe and human stupidity,” if this doesn’t prove one of them, I am not sure what will. (Oh, and let me tell you, this doesn’t prove anything about the universe) 1. On a blanket from Taiwan – NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION…

  • The Problem With Learning

    If you copy from your textbooks, it’s making good use of what you’ve learnt. If you copy from anywhere else, it’s plagiarism.

  • Penis Amputation

    Alan Hall, 48, was found collapsed on the front lawn of his brother’s Fairfield home on December 5, 8 hours after his penis had been cut off at the base. Paramedics rushed Hall to North Bay Medical Center, where surgeons were unsuccessful in their attempts to reattach his severed organ. Hall blamed the maiming on…

  • Navy Dentist

    Navy dentist’s licence plate: TOP GUM