Jokes
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Quarter Pounder With Cheese
in JokesQ: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A: A quarter pounder with cheese.
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BORED
in Jokes1. Stand perfectly still at the front window until someone on the street notices you. Quickly pull the blinds down, then, seconds later, peer around the blinds at them. Proceed until they a) Go away, or b) Call the police. 2. Play the same CD on every stereo in the house at once. Try to…
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Bear Necessities
in JokesA precocious 4-year-old was brought to the ER with a severe cough, a nurse writes. She kept up a non-stop conversation while I was trying to assess her lung sounds. Finally, I said, “Shhh, I have to see if barney is in there.” The child looked at me and said, “I have Jesus in my…
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Revenge From the Grave!
in JokesTommy was dying. His wife was with him, standing next to his bed. As he was drawing his last few breaths, he gasped, “Helen, I have one last request.” “Of course, Tommy, what is it?” Helen asked softly. “Six months after I die,” he said, “I want you to marry Louis.” “But I thought you…
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Little Brother
in JokesA 14-year old boy was helping his mom wash the dishes after dinner on a beautiful day. He says, “Mom, can I go outside? I want to play football.” His mom says, “OK, but on one condition: you let your little brother play with you and your friends.” The teenager replied with, “But mom, we…
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Wife Was Mad at Me
in JokesTwo deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, ‘Boy was my wife mad at me last night. She went on and on and wouldn’t stop!’ The other Buddy says, ‘When my wife goes off on me I just don’t listen.’ ‘How do you do that?’ says the…
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Windy Kansas
in JokesMy wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike, bucking a 30 to 45 m.p.h. crosswind. At the tollbooth, I asked the attendant, “What do you people do in Kansas when the wind quits?” The tollbooth attendant didn’t miss a beat. She answered, “We take the rocks out of our pockets.”
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What Do Women With No Legs Leave Behind?
in JokesWhat do women with no legs leave behind when they cross a linoleum floor? Snail Tracks.
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Giving Very Odd Excuses
in JokesThe General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. “Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm,…
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Hast Thou Done
in JokesDemetrius: “Villain, what hast thou done?” Aaron: “That which thou canst not undo.” Chiron: “Thou hast undone our mother.” Aaron: “Villain, I have done thy mother.”
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Roses are Red…
in JokesA fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses, one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that…