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Jokes

  • The Magic Slide

    in

    One day, there was a powerful slide, and when you go down on it, you wish for something and you get it. One guy goes down the slide, and says, “A pot of gold,” and he gets it. Another guy goes down and says, “A pot of silver,” and he gets it. The third guy…

  • Guide to Coffee Addiction

    in

    You know you are addicted to coffee if … You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.…

  • Bathtub

    in

    There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. “Can I touch it?” “No way — you already broke yours off!”

  • It’s What You Wanted!

    in

    A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer? “3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7”.

  • Chuck Norris Facts: 8

    in

    There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. James Cameron wanted Chuck…

  • Useless Inventions

    in

    Some useless inventions: 1) A waterproof teabag 2) A swimsuit store in the North Pole 3) Sugar free, fat free, taste free chocolate 4) A parachute that opens on impact 5) An ejector seat in a helicopter

  • Personal Question

    in

    A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” he said to her. “I don’t know,” replied the beautiful young woman. “It depends how personal it is.” “OK,” the guy said. “How many men have you slept with?” “I’m not going to…

  • Lawyers and Dogs

    in

    Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

  • Square Pie or Pi Squared?

    in

    The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time, so she decided to get his attention. “Johnny,” she said, “if the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?” Johnny answered, “Thirty-four.” The teacher replied, “Well, that’s not far from my age. Tell me…

  • Lollypop

    in

    What did the popsicle say to the lollypop as he was leaving? So long, sucker!

  • Buccaneer

    in

    too much to pay for corn ([a] buck an ear)

  • Name-Dropping

    in

    Here are some actual town’s names: 1.) Two Egg, a town in Florida, was named for a system of barter used in the area after the Civil War, when two eggs were regularly traded for a bag of tobacco or sugar. 2.) Ed and Uz are the shortest place names in the United States. Both…