Jokes
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Michael Gay
in JokesA boy was late to school on the first day, and his new teacher asked, “What is your name young man?” The boy replied,” Michael Gay.” The teacher said,” Why are you calling a kid gay? What is your name boy?” The boy said, “Michael Gay!” The teacher said,” That’s ENOUGH young man. Go to…
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Some More oneliners VII
in JokesDyslexia: it can warn without striking! Give and you might receive. Take and be sure of it. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. I’m in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk. Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. Originality is the…
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Vanity Insanity
in JokesThe girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.” “What is it, child?” “Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.” The priest turned, took a good look at the girl and…
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Rooster and a Duck??
in JokesQ: What do you get when a rooster crosses a duck? A: A bird that gets up at the quack of dawn!
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Nympho!
in JokesA man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes that she is headed straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious…
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No Flies on Sally!
in JokesOne morning, Pete and Sally decided to go out for breakfast. The waitress at The Almond Tree told them that the special that morning was two eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, hash browns and toast for $3.99. “That sounds good,” said Sally, “but I don’t want the eggs.” “OK,” said the waitress, “but I will then have…
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Explaining HMO’s
in JokesQ. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase “HEY MOE.” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the…
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Beautiful Money
in JokesA gang of counterfeiters get a new extremely expensive printing machine, and at great expense, buy some plates, which they were assured were 99.9% perfect. They buy a large consignment of paper which also was virtually identical to the real paper. Gleefully, they switch on the machine and print a few off. They were delighted…
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Ten Ways to Annoy Cops
in Jokes1. Say “Darn, officer you must have been going fast to catch up with me.” 2. When he approaches you, look at his gut and say, “Hmmm, I thought officers were supposed to be physically fit.” 3. Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting. 4. Lie on the ground and…
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Educational System
in JokesYou know something is wrong with today’s educational system when you figure out that of the three R’s, reading, writing, and arithmetic, only one actually starts with an R.