Jokes
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Lack of Memory Loss
in JokesCharlie: “My wife has the worst memory ever.” Tom: “She forgets everything, huh?” Charlie: “No, she REMEMBERS everything!”
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Inexperienced Terrorist
in JokesDid you hear about the inexperienced terrorist who tried to blow up a bus? He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipe.
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Mathematical Viewpoint
in JokesFrom a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here’s a…
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Pregnant?
in JokesOnce, a teacher was showing a child a picture of a firefighter taking a child out of a burning building. The teacher asked what that was. The child replied,”A pregnant firefighter.” Instead of scolding him, she calmly asked,”Do you know what pregnant means?” The little boy just said, “Yes, it means to be carrying a…
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Celebrity Hog
in JokesJack: Why did you name your pig Paris Hilton? Jill: She’s always trying to hog up all the attention.
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Chaotic Driving
in JokesI was on vacation in Texas, and was appalled by Dallas’ chaotic traffic. I asked the bellhop at the hotel why it was so disorderly and was told, “In some countries they drive on the right, in others on the left. Here we drive in the shade.”
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Bumper Sticker Rebuttal
in JokesSeen on a bumper sticker: “I don’t care who’s on board, what you love, who you brake for or what you’d rather be doing.”
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Sands of Time
in JokesOne day a man having conversation with God, when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there was only one set of footprints. He asked God, “You…
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Furious
in JokesPope John Paul II gets to heaven. St. Peter says, “Frankly, you’re lucky to be here.” The Pope says, “Why? What did I do wrong on earth?” St. Peter says, “God was very angry with your stance on women becoming priests.” The Pope says, “He’s mad about THAT?” St. Peter says, “She’s furious.”
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If it Ain’t Broke…
in JokesNormal people believe that “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Engineers believe that “If it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet”