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Jokes

  • Jewish Anthropologist

    in

    A Jewish anthropologist, Benny Steinfeld, was working in the desert near Israel when he happened upon an odd looking vase. After cleaning it he pried open the lid and was astonished when a genie sprang from the container and granted him 3 wishes. Steinfeld wished for enormous wealth, huge land holdings and a bevy of…

  • You Might be a Redneck..

    in

    If you use your rollaway tool box for your bedroom dresser. If you are afraid to mow your lawn because you might find out where Grandma’s been for the last two months.

  • US Military Quotes

    in

    “AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY.” -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher “WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND.” -US Marine Corps “CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND.” -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop. “IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU.” -Infantry Journal…

  • Not Found in Webster’s

    in

    Flea: (noun) a small, wingless, bloodsucking parasite (see also) a. Brother-in-law b. lawyer c. politician

  • Amazing Facts 18

    in

    200 The term ‘astrology’ literally means Star Speech 201 Togo is situated in Africa 202 Coal is also known as Black Diamond 203 The first boxer to win 3 gold medals in Olympics was Laszlo Papp 204 The first ruler who started war games for his soldiers was Genghis Khan 205 The first cross word…

  • How…

    in

    How do you make a reindeer fast? Don’t feed it.

  • The Girlfriend

    in

    A man walks into a bar and has a lot of drinks. He gets completely wasted. He mentions to the bartender that he has his girlfriend sitting in his new corvette outside so she can drive him home. While the bartender went outside to throw out the garbage he notices a corvette with a man…

  • West Side

    in

    My bus driver for my school is always trying to say that he’s a gangster. But no one ever believes him so the other day I confronted him. So I asked, “are you really a gangster”? He sweated nervously, shaking and then he finally answered “of course I am I’m from the West Side”. I…

  • Whales in a Mini

    in

    Q: How do you get two whales in a Mini? A: Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.

  • The Job Applicants

    in

    A man was filling out a job application form. Whe he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?” he wrote “No.” Not realising that the next question was only for people who answered “Yes”, he wrote “Never been caught.” ======================================= A bank manager was interviewing candidates for a cashier’s post, and was down…

  • Murphy, a Dishonest Lawyer…

    in

    Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed one of his client’s jurors to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, fearing the murder charge being brought by the state. The jury was out for days before returning with the verdict: Manslaughter! Later, as Murphy paid off the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a hard…

  • All That We Get To Eat Is…

    in

    MONDAY: BREAKFAST – Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH – Send your secretary out for six “Jr burgers”. Y’know those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents? Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and…