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Jokes

  • Wedding Rehearsal

    in

    At a wedding rehearsal, the pastor told the father of the bride, “As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.” The father, a department store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed his daughter’s hand on his son-in-law’s arm and said, “No deposit, no…

  • Making Friends

    in

    If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

  • Boogie

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    How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

  • Only One On This Planet

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    Man says to his girlfriend You’re the only woman on this planet I won’t. Oh by the way, I’m taken a trip to Mars next week.

  • Cat Name

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    After picking up food for his daughter’s cat, George spied a new bowl for the pet and grabbed it too. “Shall I have the cat’s name written on the side of the bowl?” offered the store owner. “No, don’t bother,” replied George. “He can’t read anyway.”

  • Jungle

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    This is completely true! Okay, so it was after dinner and my sister, dad and I were at the table just kinda goofing off then my sister asked me this riddle: There is one man in a jungle, he reaches into his pocket and takes something out, it has a head and a tail but…

  • A Guy was Walking Along the Beach

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    A guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold, it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when “poof” a genie appeared. This…

  • BrainTracker Grid

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    Using the BrainTracker grid below, how many words can you find? Each word must contain the central W and no letter can be used twice, however, the letters do not have to be connected. Proper nouns are not allowed, however, plurals are. There is at least one nine letter word. Excellent: 23 words. Good: 18…

  • Milk

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    CAT 1- So how’d that milk drinking contest go? CAT 2- Oh, I won by six laps.

  • Oklahoma State Trooper

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    In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3am one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He…

  • Get His Burg

    in

    My grandson is four and can recite the whole Gettysburg Address. Abraham Lincoln couldn’t do it until he was fifty-four. – Sam Levenson.

  • Oxymorons

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    Act naturally Happily married Microsoft Works Holy war Found missing Resident alien Minor Catastrophe Affordable housing Near miss Great depression Canadian army Phone sex United nations Advanced BASIC Genuine imitation Death benefits Airline Food Women’s rights Good grief Same difference Almost exactly Sensitive man Government organization Everything except Civil War Good kid Sanitary landfill Alone…