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Jokes

  • Followed Some Tracks

    in

    One time there were three guys sitting at a bar. One was stupid, one was pretty smart, and the third was very intelligent. Well, they were sitting at the bar and the pretty smart one says that they should go on a deer hunt. “I’ll go first,” says the smart one. Later the man comes…

  • The Island

    in

    There were three blondes stranded on an island. They were left with one bottle of water, so the decided to have thirds of the bottle. The next day, the bottle is lying empty next to one blonde, and the other two blondes say, “Why’d you drink all the water?” and the blonde says, “But my…

  • What Are The Odds?

    in

    A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. “Jury trial,” the defendant replied. “Do you understand the difference?” asked the judge. “Sure,” replied the defendant, “That’s where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one.”

  • Three Flat Tires

    in

    A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.” The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three…

  • At the Gas Station

    in

    The gas station was located on a main highway leading to the beach so the pump attendant was accustomed to seeing tired and sunburned occupants in the cars that pulled in to fill up. When a rusty old station wagon containing a very tired looking couple and seven screaming children pulled into his station, the…

  • Let Me In!

    in

    Knock-Knock Who’s there Icee Icee who I see you in there now let me in!

  • It’s The Law V

    in

    Connecticut: You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands. Illinois: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Iowa: Kisses may last for as much as,…

  • What it Means to be Poor

    in

    One day the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from…

  • Good Ol’ Willy Wagstaff

    in

    If Henry IV were cloned, would he be Henry V, or Henry IV Jr. or, would he be Henry IV Part II? (Willy Wagstaff, more usually known as William Shakespeare)

  • Salesman to Policeman

    in

    A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. “Well,” he replied, “the pay is good and the hours aren’t bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong.”

  • The Long Term Implications of Drug…

    in

    The long term implications of drug research and medical procedures must be fully considered. Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer’s Disease research. Medical researchers believe that by the year 2030 there will be a significant number of people wandering around…

  • I Cant Find My Boots!

    in

    Child: “Teacher! I can’t find my boots!” Teacher: “Are you sure?” Child: “Yes! There is only one pair left, and it’s not mine!” Teacher:”Are you sure?” Child:” Definitely! Mine had snow on them!”