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Jokes

  • God, Here Is Mine

    in

    A boy was going to church on Sunday. His mom gave him $40 so that he could put $20 in the offering plate and use $20 to buy anything on the way. On his way to the church he lost the $40, so he went back to look for it. He found $20, then looked…

  • Train Guy

    in

    Once there was a guy who didn’t know which train station would take him to L.A. So, he asked a guy nearby,”What train takes me to L.A? The left, or right train?” The answer was, “If you go to the right one, you’ll be left and if you go to the left one, you’ll be…

  • Illegal Immigration

    in

    Enter MEXICO illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any of that nonsense. Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical carefor you and your entire family. Try driving around as a Gringo in Mexico with no liability insurance,and have an accident. Demand bilingual nurses and doctors. Demand free bilingual local…

  • Don’t Worry…

    in

    Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

  • Don’t Eat the Brown Ones

    in

    A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During the pre-views, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & Ms. When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away. “What did you do that for?” he asked her. “I’m…

  • WHOAH! (featuring Mik and Mak!)

    in

    Mik:Darn it! There’s only 2 chips in my bowl.Damn you,chips! Mak: Aargh! you made me so angry I am gonna punch them! Mak punches the chips. Mik: WHOAH! you made 2 big chips into 20 small ones! Mak: I AM JESUS OF THE DORITOS!!

  • A Lot of Babies

    in

    Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.” “What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.” The nurse returned in a…

  • No guts

    in

    Q: Why DIDN`T the skull cross the road? A: Because he didn`t have the guts!

  • 40 Great Lawyer Jokes

    in

    Q. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A. A good start! Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A. His lips are moving. Q. What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A. There are skid…

  • Hearing Aid

    in

    Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,…

  • Apple Pie

    in

    Little Johnny: “Hey, Daddy, Spot just ate Mom’s apple pie that was on the counter to cool off!” Dad: “Don’t worry, son. We’ll get you a new dog.”

  • Storm Research

    in

    A scientist is researching storms, so he goes out to find one. He takes his blonde assistant to help him find one. They drive for miles until they come to some plains. They stop the car and the scientist tells the blonde to look out for tornados. After a few minutes, a cow flies past…