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Jokes

  • Called to Serve

    in

    Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn’t believe in capital punishment and didn’t want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on…

  • Eminem/ M & M

    in

    Eminem/ M & M: I don’t like the rapper, but I like the candy inside the wrapper.

  • One Shoe

    in

    Yo Momma is so poor, I saw her walking down the street with one shoe, and I said, “Hey, you lost a shoe.” And she said, “No, I found one.”

  • Beethoven

    in

    What is Beethoven doing today? -Decomposing.

  • Facts III

    in

    Elephants can’t jump. Every other mammal can. Internationally, Baywatch is the most popular TV show in history. Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. Humans are the only primates that don’t have pigment in the palms of their hands. The 3 most valuable…

  • Retiring in Peace

    in

    A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash…

  • Sex Therapy

    in

    A couple visit a sex therapist, who asked the wife, “What’s your main complaint about your sex life? She replied, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.” The therapist asked the husband, “Is this true?” He replied, “Well, not exactly, I don’t suffer. She does.”

  • Yo Momma So Hairy

    in

    Yo mama is so hairy… …you almost died of rugburn at birth! …she looks like she got Buchwheat in a headlock. …bigfoot is taking her picture! …she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everyjoke calls her Hair Jordan.

  • Der Dumme Rest

    in

    At the peak of the wave of East Germans fleeing through Hungary and Czechoslovakia in 1989, the persons still staying in East Germany (DDR) were called the “Der Dumme Rest” (the dumb remains).

  • The Boat Sank

    in

    Five policemen were on a boat. The boat sank. How many policemen died? 10 – five during the accident, and five during the re-enactment.

  • In Chelm

    in

    In Chelm, the shammes used to go around waking everyone up for minyan (communal prayer) in the morning. Every time it snowed, the people would complain that, although the snow was beautiful, they could not see it in its pristine state because by the time they got up in the morning, the shammes had already…

  • Which Band

    in

    Inside i could hear a lot of bass noise pumping. I went outside to see what it was and i found out it was a drummer practicing. I went inside and told my family that the player made a mistake and said dammit. My brother said “I wonder which band it was?”