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Jokes

  • Death Row (Newfie Joke)

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    There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die….. 1. To be shot 2. To be hung 3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death The German said, “Shoot me right in the head.” Boom, he was…

  • Amish

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    10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 am. 9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets. 8. Shows up at barn raisings in full ‘KISS’ makeup. 7. When you criticize him, he yells, “Thou sucketh.” 6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by “Jeb Daddy.” 5. Defiantly says, “If…

  • Rooster and Owl

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    What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl? A cock that stays up all night!

  • A Paradox or a Trick?

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    Please answer yes or no to this question. Is your answer “no”? Hint: This is under trick, remember. Answer: Yes or no.

  • English Channel

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    Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel? A. So the French government could to flee to London.

  • How to Get Yourself Kicked Out of a Funeral

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    Tell the widow that the deceased’s last wish was that she make love with you. Tell the undertaker that he can’t close the coffin until you find your contact lens. Punch the joke and tell people that he hit you first. Tell the widow that you’re the deceased’s gay lover. Ask someone to take a…

  • Door Knockers

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    Q: Why did the scientist install a door knocker on his door and not a door bell? A: He wanted to win the No-Bell (Nobel) prize!

  • Airport Baggage

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    It was my first vacation out of my home country – I was going to Australia. It was also going to be my first time on a plane, so I got a nice, large, purple bag with one of the long, pull-out handles and wheels on the bottom so you can pull it around. It…

  • Power Word

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    Pick A Power Word The manager of a ladies’ dress shop decided it was time to have a serious talk with one of her sales clerks. “Janet, your figures are well below any of our other sales clerks’. I’m sorry to say that unless you can improve your record soon, we will have to let…

  • Ways to annoy your waiter

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    1. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 2. Ask, “Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?” 3. After he describes each special, you shout, “Garbage!” 4. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, “Minimum wage”. 5. Every few seconds, yell, “More waffles, Cuomo!” 6. Insist that before ordering, you…

  • The Old Proverb

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    “Don’t be afraid of the dog,” said the lady to young Johnny, who was delivering her groceries. “You know the old proverb, ‘A barking dog never bites?’” “Yes,” replied young Johnny. “You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?”

  • WD40

    in

    This husband and wife couldn’t have any children, so they went to the pastor and asked for prayer. The pastor prayed for them and annointed them with oil. Sure enough, about 9 months later they had triplet babies. The couple once again showed up at the pastor’s study and as soon as the woman saw…