Jokes
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Furrier
in JokesSam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh Beverly Hills furrier. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier discreetly whispers to the man, “Ah, sir,…
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Success
in JokesWhat is the secret of success? “push” said the doorbell “never be lead” said the pencil “Take panes” said the window “always keep cool” said the ice “never lose your head” said the drum “make light of everything” said the fire “be sharp in all your dealings” said the knife “find a good thing and…
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Hardest Word
in Jokes3 people were asked to find the “hardest” word in the dictionary. One person found the word “happiness”. One person found the word”photosynthesis”. The last person found the word “dick”.
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Hair Streaks
in JokesA blond, brunette, and redhead are talking. The blond asks the brunette, “Where did you get those hair streaks?” She answers, “Its natural.” The brunette asks the redhead the same question. “Its natural.” she answers. The redhead and brunette ask the blond, “How did you get that green streak in your hair?” She answers, “Phhnnnggg,”…
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Rene Descartes …
in JokesDescartes walked into a McDonalds and ordered a veggieburger. The guy behind the counter asked “Do you want fries with that?” Descartes replied “I think not,” and poof – he disappeared.
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You Know You Live in Connecticut When…
in JokesYou Know You’re From Connecticut When… You have hiked up a big hill or small mountain at least once for a keg party. You never went to a bar in high school. You thought that the only highways were 91 and 84. You thought everyone couldn’t buy beer after 8 pm You actually thought that…
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The Devoted Wife
in JokesA devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he…
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Help From the KGB
in JokesA phone rings at KGB headquarters. “Hello?” “Hello, is this the KGB?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his fire wood.” “This will be noted.” The next day, the KGB goons visit Rabinovitz’s house. They search…
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Redneck Religion
in JokesA southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, ”If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.” With even greater emphasis he said, ”And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the…
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Shine the Light
in JokesA guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love. The girl wants it again and the guy obliges her. She wants more and they do it again. She still wants more and the guy says “Excuse me a minute I have to relieve myself.” While out…
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Ole and Lars
in JokesOle and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. “Have you eaten your banana yet?” Ole asked excitedly “No,” replied Lars. “Vell, don’t touch it den,” Ole exclaimed. “I yust took vun bite…