Jokes

  • The New Pastor

    A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card and wrote on the…

  • Temple Run

    I’m not even sure this is funny (although it was at the time), but it was just a random happening: I was texting my friend and playing temple run at the same time, and something occurred to me. I said, “If I were a Temple Run character, no one would buy me… I cannot slide…

  • FLINT MICHIGAN?

    Q: Why isn’t there a pro football team in Flint, Michigan? A: Because then Detroit would want one too!

  • Fortunate

    Consumption of an expensive meal. (fortune-ate)

  • Question and Answer Clinton Jokes

    How do you break a Bill Clinton supporter’s finger? Punch him in the nose. What does Jeffrey Dahmer’s victims and The Clintons’ hair styles have in common? They both look like the work of a butcher. If The Clinton’s were younger, do you think they would have known the Clampents? Possibly, Bill might have made…

  • New Driver

    Martin had just received his brand new driver’s license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get…

  • Sniffing Coke

    A blonde walks into a hospital in slight discomfort. “Can I have a hot towel to put on my nose, please?” The nurse was curious and asked, “Why would you like a hot towel to put on your nose?” The blonde replies, “Well, I wanted to sniff some coke to see what the big deal…

  • Toys

    Two kids were bragging about the toys they owned. One of them said, “This is Action Man! He’s been in Viet Nam, Operation Desert Storm, Iraq – and the vacuum cleaner twice!”

  • Dirt, Dirt, and More Dirt!

    Earth Worm: Oh, I wish that darn evil Mister barney hadn’t chopped my brother into two sections! Other Earth Worm: Why? Earth Worm: Because, now I have two half brothers!

  • The Reason You Were Almost Never Born…..

    You should have no doubt in your mind that you are in a redneck family….. When your uncle drunkenly approaches you, slaps you on the back, grabs your face and murmurs “Heaeh kiiiiiiid, I think it’s a good thing I used a condum. And walks off slowy, mumbling. “Cause your mamoo gets realy piiist when…

  • A Blond Gets Glasses

    A blonde went to the eye doctor one day. She complained to the doctor that she couldn’t see and was having a hard time driving because of this. He then told her that she would need glasses. The blond knowing that the glasses would cost a couple of hundred dollars decided to save her money…

  • Bacon in My Ear

    A guy walks into a doctor’s office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, “Doc, what’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”