The following were actually published,
-Include your children when baking cookies!
-Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
-Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
-British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
-Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
-Dinner Special —
Turkey $2.35;
Chicken or Beef $2.25;
Children $2.00.
-For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
-For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
-Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
-Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
-Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory
-Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
-We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
-No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
-For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
-Great Dames for sale.
-Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
-Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
-20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
-Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
-Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
-If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
-Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
-The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
-Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
-Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.